Beyond Competition: Finding Joy in Authenticity and Cooperation

Beyond Competition: Finding Joy in Authenticity and Cooperation

I’ve never seen myself as a great runner. For me, running was always about staying in shape and improving in sports where I was more competitive. I took on marathons and ultramarathons just for the challenge of finishing, never to compete with the "real runners" who were clearly better than me.

Recently, I shifted my focus to shorter trail races, typically between 6-10K. These distances align better with my strengths, and I’m finding the training much more enjoyable. My focus is on increasing my speed, which involves working on flexibility and overall strength. Since I enjoy my time in the weight room, I’ve got more upper body mass than the typical runner, which can slow me down. To get faster, I’ve been getting leaner, shedding some fat, and dropping a few pounds while prioritizing stretching and recovery. It’s paying off—my speed is improving, and my mile times are dropping.

When I first shifted to shorter races, I set a goal to win. In the past, that felt out of reach because I didn’t believe I could compete with the ‘real runners.’ Now, I’m more confident in my ability to plan and focus on the tasks needed to achieve goals that once seemed impossible. However, reaching that level requires specific improvements. To perform at my best, I need to treat my body like an elite athlete, which means fueling it with the right nutrition and being smart about my training. This involves sticking to a plan that pushes me to improve while also avoiding injuries. With more training and steady progress, I’m confident I can get there.

The goal of winning these races is ambitious for me, and it may seem like it’s something great to strive for. But just because a goal is ambitious doesn’t mean it’s the right one. I've had a shift in my perspective and realized that chasing wins isn’t the right goal. The goal of winning is all about comparison—measuring outcomes against another person’s capabilities. When the focus is on beating others, you’re not just trying to improve yourself; you’re caught up in how you stack up next to them.  

Belief Precedes Knowing

This is something I’ve 'believed' for a long time, but I didn’t truly 'know' until recently. The difference between believing and knowing is reflected in our actions.

Take listening, for example. Someone might believe that listening is crucial for good communication. They’ve read all the books, understand that being a good listener builds better relationships, and might even advise others to listen better. But if they’re still quick to interrupt or more focused on what they’ll say next rather than truly hearing the other person, they’re only believing in the importance of listening—they don’t truly know it.

When someone truly knows the value of listening, it’s evident in their behavior. They’re fully engaged in conversations, give others the space to speak, and respond in a way that shows they’ve genuinely understood what was said. Their actions demonstrate that listening isn’t just something they believe in—it’s a principle they live by.

Belief precedes knowing—it’s only when belief consistently shapes our actions that it becomes true knowledge. Knowledge and action are synonymous.

I’ve 'believed' for a long time that the outcome isn’t the ultimate goal. We’ve all heard stories of people falling into depression after achieving something significant, often because they made the achievement the goal itself. When the journey becomes the goal and we find joy in the process, the outcomes become secondary—just milestones to celebrate, not the reason we strive.

I believed this in theory, but my actions were still rooted in my old mindset. The goal I set—to be better than other runners—was tied to that previous way of thinking, showing that I hadn’t truly internalized what I claimed to believe. My actions revealed that I didn’t fully 'know' what I believed.

It wasn’t until I realized I had set the wrong goal that my belief became knowledge. Knowing isn’t just about intellectual agreement; it’s about aligning your actions with what you truly value. It’s about acting in a way that reflects what you know deep down to be true.

Authenticity = Freedom

When you compare yourself to others, you can’t be fully authentic. I can never be a better John, and John can never be a better Ryan. We each have our own strengths, weaknesses, and unique qualities that define who we are. Constantly measuring yourself against someone else’s abilities not only sets you up for frustration and disappointment but also limits your authenticity—and with that, your freedom.

Being authentic means understanding and embracing your own journey—focusing on your unique strengths and what truly matters to you. When you aim to be the best version of yourself, you’re free to set goals that align with your values, rather than those dictated by what others can do. This shift in mindset allows you to pursue excellence in a way that’s genuinely personal and fulfilling.

We all have unique gifts and talents, but most of us spend our lives trying to be a better version of someone else or fit into societal molds and expectations. The paradox is that it often feels easier to conform than to live authentically. Most people spend their lives swimming in a sea of resistance to their true selves, yet this resistance is the very obstacle to personal growth and true freedom.

Living authentically is empowering, but it requires self-awareness, self-acceptance, and the courage to embrace one's unique qualities and imperfections. By overcoming the resistance to our natural selves, we unlock our full potential, build stronger relationships, and lead more fulfilling lives.

Chasing wins was distracting me from what truly matters: being true to myself and enjoying the process of growth. It’s not about outpacing others; it’s about becoming the best version of myself—for me. Real freedom comes from embracing who you are and striving to improve for your own sake.

The Pursuit of Authentic Growth

What if I’m the best at something on a certain day with a particular group of competitors? Is there not someone better out there who just didn’t compete with me? Even if I’m the best in the world at something in this moment, was there not someone better in the past, and will there not be someone better in the future? So, what does it really matter? This isn’t the path to true happiness.

My new goal is about constant improvement and comparing myself only to who I was yesterday. If I keep doing that, I’ll eventually win races. Winning is fun and rewarding, but it’s not the ultimate goal—it’s just the icing on the cake. Real fulfillment comes from continuous growth and the experiences gained along the way.

When you focus on constant improvement, successes and big achievements become moments to celebrate, but they don’t define your happiness. True satisfaction comes from knowing you’re better today than you were yesterday. It’s about finding joy in the process of becoming the best version of yourself.

When you refine your goals to focus on what truly matters—your unique strengths, freedom, and happiness—you end up achieving those externally validating, yet less important, things without wasting focus and energy. They become natural byproducts of your growth and authenticity. Focusing on winning is misguided; winning is simply a byproduct of doing your best, whether in sports, business, or life.

We all start from different places, so comparing yourself to someone who began at a different point is unreasonable and sets you up for disappointment. I lived in that mindset for too long—constantly expecting to be better than I was and feeling disappointed when reality didn’t match up. But when you shift your focus from winning to becoming the best version of yourself, everything changes.

We’re all unique, each with our own strengths, weaknesses, and experiences. When we embrace this and stop comparing ourselves to others, we free ourselves from the burden of external expectations. True freedom lies in living authentically and measuring success by our own standards.

The journey becomes more meaningful, and the pressure to outdo others fades away. Instead, it’s about competing with yourself, setting personal benchmarks, and finding fulfillment in your own progress. The joy isn’t just in reaching the finish line—it’s in knowing that every step, every effort, is making you a stronger, better version of yourself.

Imagine a student who is preparing for a big exam. They set a goal to get the highest score in the class because, in their mind, winning—being the best—is the ultimate achievement. They study hard, not just to understand the material, but with the sole focus of outperforming their classmates.

However, if the student shifts their focus from simply winning to doing their absolute best, their approach changes. Instead of comparing themselves to others, they focus on understanding the material deeply, mastering difficult concepts, and challenging themselves to improve. Their goal becomes about personal excellence, not just about beating others.

When the exam results come out, if they’ve done their best, they might end up with the highest score—and that’s great, but it’s just a bonus. The real victory is in knowing they pushed their limits and gave it their all.

In contrast, if they had focused only on winning, they might have missed out on the deeper learning and satisfaction that comes from truly mastering the subject. Our society often emphasizes winning as the ultimate goal, but the true measure of success is in doing your best. Winning can be a byproduct of that effort, but it’s not the primary objective.

Cooperation is the Key

The purest form of competition isn’t about outdoing others; it’s about pushing ourselves to be better than we were yesterday. When we focus on self-improvement, competition becomes a tool for growth rather than just a way to win. It’s about cooperation, where each competitor helps the other reach new heights.

Take running a race, for instance. In a race, I push myself harder than I ever could alone. The presence of others motivates me to dig deeper and run faster, helping me reach new levels of performance. The race isn’t just about crossing the finish line first—it’s about using competition to elevate my own abilities. It’s like an intense workout that challenges me to grow stronger in the long run. A group workout works the same way; the energy and effort of others push you beyond your limits, helping you achieve more than you could on your own.

This shift in perspective changes how we view our competitors. They’re not rivals; they’re partners in our journey of self-improvement. They help us get better, and we do the same for them. ‘Winning’, then, becomes a shared celebration of growth and achievement. It’s not about the glory of victory—it’s about knowing that you’ve played a role in someone else’s success, and they’ve done the same for you.

But here’s the key: when we let someone else’s capabilities and performance affect our thoughts or emotions, we give away our power. We become slaves to external factors, letting others’ actions and our own expectations dictate how we feel. True freedom comes from within, from knowing that we’re doing our best and growing every day, regardless of where we place in the race. This mindset allows us to find joy in the journey itself, in the continuous improvement that comes with it.

Ultimately, this approach leads to a healthier relationship with competition and fosters a deeper sense of fulfillment. By focusing on self-improvement and cooperation, we can experience true satisfaction—not from the fleeting moment of winning, but from the lasting joy of becoming the best version of ourselves and helping others do the same.

Cooperation is the true path to a better world, while beating others will never get us there. Violent competition—whether through wars or the relentless pursuit of winning at all costs—leads only to division, destruction, and suffering. It’s a mindset that sees success as a limited resource, where one person’s gain must come at another’s expense. But this kind of competition doesn’t build anything lasting or meaningful; it only deepens our divides and perpetuates cycles of conflict.

On the other hand, friendly competition, rooted in cooperation, has the power to uplift us all. It’s about challenging each other to grow and improve, not by tearing one another down, but by striving together toward shared goals. When we lift each other up, everyone benefits. We create a culture where success is not a zero-sum game but a collective achievement. In this environment, we’re driven to do our best—not out of fear or rivalry, but out of a desire to contribute to something greater than ourselves.

Think about how innovation thrives when people collaborate. When we bring our knowledge, skills, and resources together, the outcomes are far more impactful than anything we could achieve alone. This same principle applies on a larger scale: when we cooperate, we build stronger communities, foster deeper understanding, and create solutions that benefit everyone.

But when we focus on beating others—whether in sports, business, politics, or personal relationships—we create a culture of distrust and hostility. This mentality leads to a world where people are constantly on guard, seeing collaboration as a weakness rather than a strength. Over time, this erodes the fabric of society, fueling division and conflict.

The truth is, we’re all interconnected. What happens to one of us affects us all, whether we realize it or not. By embracing cooperation, we acknowledge this interconnectedness and work towards a future where success is shared, where lifting others up is just as important as achieving our own goals. This is how we build a world where everyone has the opportunity to thrive—where progress isn’t about defeating others but about advancing together.

In the end, the choice is ours: to engage in a destructive race to the top, or to walk a path where we rise together. The former may bring temporary victories, but only the latter leads to a truly better world—a world where compassion, cooperation, and shared success create lasting peace and prosperity.